A New Start

Today I am going to write alittle bit about myself and share alittle bit of my background. Its not that I am getting to personal but shareing my experiences so that I may help someone else get through whatever it is they may be going through. Alot of times there are people who have been through the same things we have but just may have a hard time reaching out to someone or they dont know of anyone that can relate to them so they dont get help. So I am here to tell my story and hope that it will let someone know that they are not the only ones going through. I use to think I was the only one with the problems I had. But through the years when i was so longing for help I began to talk to people and found out that I am not the only one and It really made me feel a sense of relief. Just knowing that I wasnt the only one. So now that you know you are not the only one maybe now you can experience some relief just as i did. Now for years I have struggled with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. I also have autoimmune disorders and am dealing with fibromyalgia. It has been a difficult struggle but I am determined to beat it and to be able to enjoy my life without letting these things affect what I do or who i am. Its hard I grant you but with determination, sacrifice and a strong will I am able to get through anything. As I was on my run today the one thing that came to my mind was "Sacrifice" I realized that you can not succeed at any goal unless there are sacrifices made. For my weight loss I am making the sacrifice to give up certain foods, sacrificing time to workout and to prepare healthy meals. I have given up alot of foods I love to eat but I know they are not healthy and I know that if I dont give them up I am going to have much added ailments affecting my body later in life such as heart disease, diabetes, high risk of heart attack and stroke and many other things, but i am willing to make the sacrifice to better myself and my children. Alot of people dont realize that when you are in poor health you affect those around you. Especially your children and family. Your children learn your bad eating and unhealthy habits. When I was eating fast food all the time not only was I eating it but my children were eating it as well. What I ate I fed to them and so I was starting my 6yr old on a path to destruction because I was only giving her very unhealthy food. Sure I would give her fruit and veggies and a cooked meal but it wasnt very often i did that because I have such a busy life that i never took the time to cook like i should because i was to busy. And if i wasnt busy I was either too tired or feeling sick. And i felt sick ALOT when i was eating that junk. Now when i look back i cant believe i was doing that to them. I was teaching them very bad habits. And yes shame on me!
I was an emotional eater and so i looked to food for comfort. I was depressed, had relationship problems, was dealing with anxiety, and food was there and was very easy to get. So i found my comfort in food. As a teenager I was very athletic and fit. I never struggled with my weight until after i had my older daughter. That is when i started packing on the pounds. I was depressed and at times i just wanted to die. So much bad was happening in my life that i just wanted to escape somehow and food helped. So i just ate and ate and ate till I nearly hit almost 300 lbs. I gave birth to my last child and after i had her it just put me to the limit. I was thinking I really need to do something but it was always filled with excuses. I will start tomorrow or This will be my last time i eat out, this will be my last pop etc..it was everyday that i was going to do something and never got to doing it, just made excuse after excuse. I was in and out of the ER for panic attacks thinking i was dying and haveing a heart attack, I wasnt able to bend over and tie my shoes anymore, I couldnt sleep at night, i developed sleep apnea and my blood pressure was begining to get high. I was having problems with my sugar and not to mention my cholesterol was thru the ROOF! My triglycerides were extremly high and my HDL was very low. So i knew that if i dont do something about this now I am going to be in serious trouble later. So I decided in my mind that I am not gonna continue on this path to destruction. If i dont do something I will Die. And i am not ready to die yet. I have a purpose and I will live the life that God has set before me. So that day i decided I am going to do this, I am going to change. The first year I gave up pop (soda). I was drinking a 2 liter or more a day. It was aweful. I was addicted to Coca Cola it was my favorite. So I just quit drinking it cold turkey. That was hard! And I did experience withdrawls from the caffeine and sugar and it was not fun! All i could do was just keep drinking water. I drank ALOT of water and I would drink alittle bit of juice when i would want the sugar. In 2 to 3 months i dropped 30 lbs. I couldnt believe it i was so estatic. (Pop will make you gain weight. It really is very bad for you). So i dropped the 30 lbs and was pop free but i still struggled with fast food and sweets. I did manage to start exercising but because i was so big all i could do was walk. So i started walking some but i really wasnt dedicated to it because my life was still busy and i still made excuses for that. I was either to busy or to tired. So i would only walk when i really felt like it. I noticed that i wasnt loseing any more weight and i knew it was because of still eating the fast food and sweets and other processed foods and junk that i wasnt getting anywhere with loseing more weight. I still had over a 100lbs i needed to lose but I knew that i just wasnt motivated enough. Then i decided that i would try out for the biggest loser. So one weekend I packed up and headed to chicago to see if i would be able to get on the biggest loser. Well unfortunately I didnt get chosen and so that set me back in my thinking because i really had my hopes up that i would be chosen. So i came back home and still continued in my bad habits. But i still felt good about accomplishing my achievement on giving up pop. I kept telling myself that is step number 1 but it just wasnt good enough. Well I began to frequently have more anxiety and feeling sickly all the time. I was always tired and i wasnt sleeping well. In the back of my mind i knew why i was feeling this way and it was because i was putting so much garbage in my body that my body was trying to fight to work properly but was only begining to shut down. Altho i knew this in my mind i just didnt know how to get out of the state i was in. I thought I just must be sick. I will go to the doctor and see how sick i am. Well I began going to see the Doctor alot for my autoimmune disorders. I told them how i was feeling and so they ran alot of tests. They ran tests on my heart, my thyroid, Kidneys, Liver you name it they ran it. Tons of blood drawn. So after all the test were done they all came back normal and my autoimmune disorders were under control so Im thinking to myself if everything is normal then why do i feel so sick all the time. I knew in my mind that it was my diet and lack of exercise but i just wasnt wanting to face the fact that I was the one doing this to myself. So i kept going back to the doctor trying to convince them that something is wrong with me. So they ran more tests and everything kept coming back ok.
So i just began thinking on it and then it was like it hit me. No one else is going to do this for me. I need to do this on my own. I began to get the dertermination and the will to do something. I thought if i can give up drinking pop then there is no reason for me to not be able to give up the other stuff. I prayed and I asked God to help me and to give me the strength i needed to get through this. I would look at my little girl and cry and tell myself I need to raise her, I do not want to leave her. I dont want to suffer a heart attack or stroke, i dont want her to take care of me at such a young age and i dont want her to lose me. So i began my new journey by giving up fast food, processed foods and sweets. The foods i really enjoyed eating. I began to keep a food journal, counting my calories and paying close attention to the sodium, fat and cholesterol. I began tracking the foods i ate. I went to the doctor and got cleared for exercise and i have begun to work out every day. I started with just walking and now i am gradually moving up to where i am able to jog now. It was hard at first because of the cravings and hunger pains but over a week or two they do go away. I began my new journey Jan 1 2012. As for my Autoimmune disease which is Antiphospholipid Syndrome and MitoChondrial Antibody (Primary Biliary Cirrohsis) are under control. So i continue to pray for healing.

I will be shareing my weightloss progress as well as tips on how i am overcoming things such as cravings and so on. I will be shareing how I am beating the depression and anxiety and borderline personality disorder. Im looking forward to shareing my journey with you and hope that my experience can help you...